How to prevent being ghosted?

The world has been turned upside down by the Coronavirus epidemic, with schools and businesses closed around the world and the term “social distancing” now governing human interactions. That will make dating difficult, but people will never stop looking for love — we’ll just have to be much smarter about it over the next few months.

Each and every date, whether in person or via video chat, will now be high stakes. Casual hookups are a thing of the past, at least for now. To help those looking for love in the age of social distancing, SweetRing, a dating app with 10 million users worldwide, surveyed its users to find their biggest turn-offs and why they ghost people after just a few dates. Users were offered ten distinct choices — here are the top five chosen by real dating app users.

 

1. Talking Too Much — Or Not Enough

Every first date, even after weeks of communicating on an app, are going to involve some element of self-introduction. It’s a cautionary feeling-out period, requiring both parties to be open, honest, and talkative… but not too talkative. SweetRing users cited unbalanced conversations as their number one reason for not calling someone back for a second date.

There are two extremes here, both of which can kill a relationship before it has a chance to blossom. SweetRing users are most turned off by people who talk about themselves too much and don’t bother asking any questions about their date. If they’re self-involved from the start, when they’re trying to make a good first impression, it’s unlikely that they’ll get better over time. If you’re worried that you tend to talk about yourself too much, try to set a limit for the number of subjects you’ll bring up and the amount of time you’ll talk about each.

You can also come with a mental list of questions to ask your date, which would guarantee that they get plenty of time to talk. That strategy would also help take care of the other aspect of this issue: not putting in enough effort. Just as annoying to SweetRing users are people who don’t seem to try at all on dates, barely talking or showing interest in the person sitting across the table. Whether it comes from arrogance or laziness, it’s unattractive and leads to plenty of ghosting… if the person being ghosted even recognizes it.

 

2. Don't Be Gross

Turns out that you should have listened to your parents when they were lecturing you on table manners when you were a kid (and yes, it pains us to say this as much as it pains you to hear it). Amongst SweetRing users who took our survey, a date being overtly disgusting — picking their nose, cleaning their teeth, burping, and other gross habits — was the second most popular reason to ghost somebody. No one suggested they need perfect manners in a partner, but some common courtesy goes a long way.

 

3. The Alpha Male

A close third on the “here’s why I didn’t call that person ever again and deleted them from my phone” list is a different strain of clueless rudeness: Being a controlling alpha male. In the past, men were expected to take control of dates, from choosing the location to ordering from the menu, but things are different these days. Women should be full equals in the relationship from the start, as the results of our survey indicate. Of the respondents that chose alpha male as a top issue, a whopping 66% of them were women. Gentlemen, take note.

 

4. Don’t Ever Focus on the Ex

The fourth biggest turnoff is thicker than some others. If you’re above the age of 25, you probably want your date to have some kind of dating history — it’d be a bit worrisome if he or she never had a significant other at some point in their lives, because it might indicate there was something seriously wrong.

So when you start seeing someone, it can be a good idea to talk a bit about your romantic past, just so you can assure them that you’ve got some experience. Plus, an honest conversation about past dalliances and partners can teach you a lot about someone and how they deal with relationships. But at the same time, you just don’t want to talk about an ex too much!

If you always talk about an ex, you risk suggesting that you’re not over that person or that you’re comparing your new partner to them all the time. Everyone wants a blank slate when starting a new relationship — if you smother someone with talk about your ex, you’re going to wind up with two exes.

 

5. Splitting the bill

Remember what we said about some dating traditions no longer applying? Well, it doesn’t just apply to men. Women not making an effort to pay the drinks or dinner bill ranked as the fifth biggest reason to ghost on a date. As you might imagine, this response was driven nearly entirely by men, who comprise a stunning 97% of those who chose it. No one suggested that ladies have to foot the entire bill, or even actually split it, but giving at least a half-hearted effort is very much recommended.

 

Notes: Survey had 732 respondents